Reading Reading Reading CRAFTS!

So after Jo Beverley's Lady Beware I was hooked. I've powered through half of her collection like cheap champagne. It was just as intoxicating as Andre Extra Dry; sweet and sometimes a little vomit inducing.

I read, Dragon's Bride, Skylark, Lady Beware, Hazard, St. Raven, My Lady Notorious, Something Wicked, & Winter Fire. Yes, all this in 18 days. (Plus two Jennifer Crusie novels, which are more like peanut M&M's, fatty, sweet and a tiny bit more substantial than regular M&M's.) Out of the 8 books I read I really enjoyed about half of them. Some were wicked on the sexual tension, and others just dragged. But while I may have skimmed through the last 30 pages of a few of them (My Lady Notorious and Winter Fire) I loved loved loved how realistic she portrays her characters in their passion. None of the characters fall in love within 2 seconds of meeting each other. If they do fall for each other, there is a time apart to highten the tension, or they knew each other long before the story began. While I was really frustrated with the lack of consistancy in her sex scenes, (some were really scandalous, while others, just tedious and very late in the story) it made her books unpredictable. I never felt that her characters where a type. Each character was different, unlike some romance authors I read (Amanda Quick/Janye Ann Krenz and Lora Leigh).

Speaking of Lora Leigh. I couldn't even get past the first 6 pages of the one I had checked out. It was soooo painful. And for an erotica, it wasn't even sexy.

Out of Character...

Did Beverley save the story for me?

Yeah, I guess. I couldn't put it down. I eagerly turned the pages. Thea finally stopped whining to let Cave into her space. And then, wham bam, once she stopped being so bitchy, Cave grows a heart and humor and Thea does reckless things. It was quite frustrating and totally out of character. But did I throw it against the wall? No, cause Beverley really makes the chemistry between Cave and Thea really pop. Her attention to historical detail is phenomenal. And unlike alot of other romance authors Thea and Cave don't "fall in love" in the first 20 pages. They've got some smoking chemistry, and when they kiss Thea can't remember why she doesn't like Cave, and why she's been playing life so safe. There's a push pull. Cave knows his reputation could ruin her life and Thea knows that his reputation for violence is based in fact. She's unsure if she wants to shackle herself to that. Despite the clashing between the characters early

My problems? This is one of the final books in a series. While Beverly doesn't harp too much on the stories of the secondary characters making me feel left out, its enough to make me flounder a bit. My biggest issue? The sex, or lack of it. They hook up midway through the book, (no sex) but at the end, post marriage, the sex scene is SO lame. The chemistry was such a monumental plot line, you'd think that Beverly would have made more of an issue about consumating the relationship.

Ugh, this review is a little half assed. I drank too much last night and this hang over is a bitch.

Halloween is coming. And I think I know what I want to be.



Yep. Max from Where the Wild Things Are. Slutty of course. Because I love making things that totally are NOT slutty, slutty! Like sexy Freddy Krugar from last year. I rocked that shit. This year's costume will entail a long fleece zip up hoodie with wolf ears attached at the hood, a pleated attatched white skirt (made my moi!) and fingerless gloves. Of course high heels are a must. Tights or leggings may make an appearance, depending on how cold it is. I'm really excited about making the crown and scepter. Now all I need are my wild things!

Moar Books!

Went to the library today.
Got more books.

This batch:
Lady Beware - Jo Beverley - historical romance
Sugar Daddy - Lisa Klepeys - contemporary romance
Something I cant remember the title of - Lora Leigh - contemporary erotic romance

A note: I'm trying again on the Lora Leigh, every time I put the one I rented last week down i pick it back up again at a random moment and am hooked again. The story is SO slow, the characters are fucking ludicrously bad and the sex is sometimes over done. But I can see how people get hooked. I wont be one of them, but I'm willing to give it the good old college try.

I am about a fourth of the way through Lady Beware and I'm having a bit of a rough time of it. Beverly is a phenomenal writer. Her worlds are really well researched. The society reads like a history book. I am constantly putting the book down to research some historical figure or whatever poem she is alluding to. She's kinda been a hit or miss. I read one which I LOVED, and started another which I couldn't get into. This one hooked me in the first 3 pages, but I'm not sure how much I can read.

In this novel she has a major play on words in naming her characters. The hero's name is Horatio Cave. Cave is pronounced Ca-Vey which in latin is Beware. Clever huh? He gets the name Canum Cave (beware of dog) as a jibe which haunts him throughout his life. His reputation was ruined from birth, being from a very bad stock in a society which holds your forefathers and ancestors to the highest standard. When I say bad stock I mean criminal bad stock; lunacy, getting the pox from prostitutes, murder, duels, rape and very heavy gambling. He's ultimately ruined.

Enter heroine, Theodosia Debenham (gift from god). Thea is well mannered and a perfect lady. She gets embarassed by open affection and is restrained in all of her attitudes. (Dollars to donughts that Cave is going to unleash her earthier passions.) Cave helps her family out in a sticky situation and is being championed by her family for it, so that he can clear his name of past deeds.

Yay! Beverley! You've hooked me like woah! But goddamnit, this book is focused on what others think and say about the heroine and hero that I cant even get a sense on what either of them are like. Cave is a little better than Thea. I just want to punch her in the face. She's so cautious that I don't even think she can redeem herself. Any passion will just seem out of character for this cold fish who looks at Cave like he's dog food (heh heh). I am having a hard time seeing the sparks between them because Thea is so worried about what everyone else is talking about behind her back. She so busy evesdropping while floating around the ball room floor, that she is completely ignoring Cave's good looks. WTF Beverley! You better be able to save this shit.

Ack. I'm getting behind in these reviews.

I now appear to just be listing what I'm reading,

Tender is the Storm - Johanna Lindsey
Hidden Agendas - Lora Leigh
Blue Eyed Devil - Lisa Kelpas
Skippy JohnJones - Judy Schachner
Skippy JohnJones in Mummy Trouble - Judy Schachner
Skippy JohnJones in the Dog House - Judy Schachner

Yikes! So many!

I didn't even write about being a classy cheap ass slut on a budget in Seattle.
Actually, when I was in Seattle I was far from a classy cheap ass slut on a budget. I spent the whole of my savings on food, booze and fun. I fail.

Pre Review: Susan Elizabeth Phillips Hot Shot

I always love this author.
But this was a miss already.
I can't quite put my finger on it why, but I kinda want to punch someone?
...or maybe hug them.

No more Old School SEP, only new ones.

To Review

I've read a crap ton of books since I reviewed Julie Garwood's Mercy.

A list now, for me to remember to review all of them.

All U Can Eat - Emma Holly - Erotica - A
Ain't She Sweet - Susuan Elizabeth Phillips - Contemporary Romance - B
Bet Me - Jennifer Crusie - Contemporary Romance - A+
King and King - Haan and Nijland - Childrens - B-
Someday My Prince - Christina Dodd - Historical Romance - Epic didn't finish

Currently Reading:
Hot Shot - Susan Elizabeth Phillips - Contemporary Romance

Next on deck:
Breathers: A Zombie's Lament - S.G. Browne - Fiction
AND
Pride, Predjudice & Zombies - Jane Austin & Seth Grahaem Smith

Trashy Romance Novel Review: Julie Garwood's Murder List

Oh Julie Garwood.

I have such fond memories of you. You helped me survive 6th grade with your historical romance novels. Your spunky unconventional heroines were role models for my 12 year old self. Your brooding and rake heroes begged for reformation. I drank your romance novels like coke on a scorching day!

Ms. Garwood, now that I am older and wiser I'd have to say I've grown out of you, and here is why.

Ms. Garwood was exclusively a historical romance writer. Even as a pre teen I knew her stories were formulaic. Her heroes are an interesting mix of brute meets dreamer. He's always some sort of warrior. Either he works for the home office, or he's a barbarian conquering the Saxons. She's also well known for her formulaic heroines. Wiki says "Garwood's novels are particularly known for the quirkiness of her heroines, who tend to have an ability to get lost anywhere, clumsiness, and a "charming ability to obfuscate and change the direction of conversations to the consternation, frustration, but eventual acceptance of the other party." Sexy huh? Innocent is more like it.

Murder List is a contemporary suspense. I love my suspense littered with romance. Its the best. Hell, the marker of a good romance is the suspense between the characters, yeah you know they're going to end up happily ever after, but you're still sitting on the edge of your seat thinking, "Will they? Won't they?" What girl hasn't entertained the notion of the modern day knight in shining armor? She, in trouble, he an authority figure, helps her in her time of need through information and protection. Talk about 20th century fantasy material! I was so excited to read this back in 2004 when it was originally published because Garwood was only releasing maybe a book every few years, so when I saw it in the library's book bin, I was all for paying 10 cents for it. Was it a mistake? Maybe, but reading it was enlightening because it really showed me how much my tastes have changed in just five years of reading these!

Murder List is about Regan Hamilton, a hotel heiress who is in charge of her families vast philanthropic foundation. Alec Buchanan is a NY detective assigned to body guard duty because he pissed off his superior. Regan is looking into some shady self help guru who is stealing money from his clients and maybe even killing them. While looking into this guru's practices with her crazy rich friends (who are all doing work that pays them nothing while living off the family fortune. One friend is a high school science teacher who teaches auto mechanic classes at night, while the other is the art and style writer for the local paper) she is stalked by someone who has a grudge against her. The crazy shady guru (who is in the book for the first chapter and the last. Way to go Garwood! ::sarcastic::) has the group compose a murder list as an exercise to help the group cleanse themselves of their anger. Regan conveniently drops hers. Shady character picks it up. Proceeds to kill only TWO of the five people on her "murder list," like, a month after she drops it. Garwood makes it clear that Regan is having a hard time choosing names because well, she's just so gosh darn nice. Regan meets Alec because of the first murder and the killers subsequent psychotic love of sending her proof of the murders. Alec is attracted to her, they spend the entire book flirting and organizing her office with little to no detective work. They sleep together. They tell each other it won't happen again. Add in a new job offer in a different location, a false suspect arrested and a chase through the forest and you've got yourself a really really mediocre romantic suspense novel.

I can't even get into how much this book annoyed me. I have the other four contemporaries she's written as sequels and I don't remember them being this annoying. Regan is too nice for her own good. She'd never catch a dangerous fox of a detective/soon to be FBI agent like Alec in a million years in real life. Yeah, books are escapism, but I like my reality to be in the chemistry of the characters. I didn't feel this chemistry. Maybe there would have been more if Regan had been less sweet. Sweet in the way kids breakfast cereal is sweet, the kind that makes you a little nauseous and you know is a shitty way to start your day. But damn didn't I love this when it came out in 2004. It was like crack. Now I was just frustrated. I wanted her to be on top of finding this killer, instead of burying herself in organizing her office files and leaving the detecting to the big boy cops. Alec didn't even do anything, he sat there and alternated watching her tv and her legs the whole time.

Don't even get me started on the bad guy. He was just that, some random ass bad guy. The reader couldn't discover who he was in a million years. Garwood had to tell us it! Lame!

Now wait, its not ALL bad. I read these trashy romance novels when I was way to young to be thinking about sex all the time. I also read them with my head up in the clouds, wondering when I'd find my own prince charming to come save me. On a scale of the trashy romance novel's I've read and how they have impacted my poor adolescent brain? Lets look at the pertinent facts: nice girl gets reformed bad boy, bad guy gets punished, heroine, while sweet, is plucky in her own way, and while the chemistry is luke warm, Garwood makes an effort to show that Alec and Regan love each other.

Now for the good stuff: the sex. On the scale of 1-5, was a 2 (I think I need to really mull over this sex scene rating at length. Heh, length). Would I give this to my 12 year old daughter? Sure. She could be reading Twilight. Better she read about a couple who loves each for other reasons than how they smell. Better she fantasize about an idealized version of what really happens in bed between a couple than someone passing out because of the pain of a sparkly, venomous penis penetration.

What stack does it go in? Stack Three. "So glad I only paid 10 cents for this shit. Used bookstore here you come!"

If you like romantic suspense with law enforcement and stalkers try: Linda Howard's Dying to Please

Ridiculous

So I keep meaning to post more, because well, that's what this thing is for.
I've got recipes galore to post, that I've cooked in the past month, and pictures I need to start taking of said food.
I'm sure I'll have crafty bitch things to post and fantastic frugal living hints, to add to the ones I've found this month.
I also think I'm going to add a few book reviews to this lovely thing.
Damn I got to be more on top of this.

Ok recently I've made these:
Honey Chicken stir fry with sugar snap peas, broccoli and onion.
I perfected my mini Macaroni and Cheese hors d'oeuvres.
-I had to cave and add American cheese (blech!) and bigger elbow macaroni. Also to support these tender cheesy morsels I had the idea to put them in muffin cups for easy handling.
My favorite meat turnovers
An authentic Mexican breakfast burrito with Longaniza(or chorizo).
- if you've never tried either, they are AMAZING cooked in a burrito or my favorite, with eggs!
And a ton of grilled cheese. I got lazy.

And thats all I can remember at the moment.

as for frugal living:

I just discovered big lots. Silly I know! I moved Ace in with Woody last week and needed things to make his transition easier. Big lots is an epic win for that! Really cheap (and high quality) cat toys for a dollar, a mat for under his cat box for five dollars, and cat litter (the good kind) for 5 bucks too. I also got body lotion, a box for all my toiletries at Woody's, Batman placemats (I couldn't resist), cotton rounds for a dollar (I've been looking everywhere for some cheap ones!), all for under 20 bucks! How can I say no to all of that?

Craftiness is at an all time low.
Woody and I are going to Seattle for the Penny Arcade Expo in September and then in October I'm going to the Alternative Press Expo in SF with him. I'm going to get crafty there so I can promote Woody's art like a bitch.

(if you haven't seen his stuff yet here's the website, www.betweenmars.com if you like ridiculousness and whimsy you'll love his stuff!)

As for books, well, I've been a book slut.
This fuses mightily with my love of being thrifty.
I canvas the used bookstores in the vicinity of my places of residence and haven't found too many places, but goddamn does the library in Palos Verdes have a good book sale section.

So after I finish reading Murder List by Julie Garwood I'll post a Yea or Nay for this lovely piece of trashy romance nove literature. And cue my start to begin blogging again!

Baking is my crack.

So I wish I could update this more but the Salvation Army filter at work is a total jerk. For some reason it does not like me blogging at all. It also does not like OkCupid, YouTube, my instant online Netflix and anything related to games. (note: I have no reason to go on OkCupid anymore but I get livid when anyone tells me I cannot do something).

This weekend I was comissioned with baking a dessert for the La Familia Leon reunion. This reunion is done every year for my mom's side of the family. Since my Ace disaster required that I was unable to pay my mother her 300 dollar rent, I decided I'd make dessert so she wouldn't need to stress out too much. My desserts of choice?

Ameretto (or sometimes flavored Tequila) Sprinkle Cake
and
Home Made Girl Scout Samoas

Below I will detail how to make both. The Amaretto Sprinkle Cake is by far the easiest. I used to make it in Santa Cruz for everyone's birthday. It became a Team Gay favorite, I even believe that there was some drama once over who got the last piece of cake. I believe it was a girl I detested. She did not endear herself to me by eating the last slice of my Lesley Lovah's birthday cake.

Amaretto Sprinkle Cake
One box of Pillsbury's Funfetti cake mix.
4 to 6 oz of Amaretto liquor. (I use Trader Joes Amaretto di Amore imitation which is 8 bucks, vs. the 20 dollar Disaronno. I used to use Almond Tequila, but got that in Puerto Vallarta tequila tasting and they don't sell it online. I still like that better!)
1 cup of powdered sugar.
1 cup of chocolate chips. (Any kind really, I like milk chocolate but I think I'll try semi-sweet. Dark chocolate would be amazing!)
1 bunt cake pan.
Non stick spray.

Directions:
Prepare cake according to box.
Add 1-2 oz of Amaretto liquor to the batter.
Pour into greased bunt cake pan. (The pan makes the cake look great since you don't put any ridiculous frosting on it.)
Bake according to box.
Allow to cool. Place on large platter.
Once cooled poke a few hole in the cake with a fork. Pour 1-4 oz of Amaretto on the cake slowly, allowing it to be absorbed.
After the liquor has been absorbed somewhat, pour the powdered sugar in a sifter and lightly distribute the powdered sugar on the cake.
Melt chocolate chips according to package. (Usually one cup per one minute)
Dip a fork in melted chocolate and drizzle over the bunt cake.

Enjoy! My mother has eaten this as breakfast for like forever. I've used a "real" cake mix a few times, but its so stressful. I'll keep my funfetti cake near and dear to my heart!

Home Made Girl Scout Samoa's
(Found on Tastespotting, my favorite website ever!)
Adapted from OnceUponAPlate
Orange comments are mine

Recipe for Cookies:
1 cup butter, soft
1/2 cup sugar
2 cups all purpose flour
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
up to 2 tbsp milk

Preheat oven to 350F.
In a large mixing bowl, cream together butter and sugar.
Mix in flour, baking powder and salt at a low speed, followed by the vanilla and milk, adding in the milk as needed to make the dough come together without being sticky The dough should come together into a soft, not-too-sticky ball.
(Add in a bit of extra flour if your dough is very sticky or if too dry add milk in small quantities.)

Roll the dough (working in two or three batches) out between pieces of wax paper to about 1/4-inch thickness.
(I find that the dough is very sticky at times. If this is the case, I find that putting it in the fridge between batches/at the beginning makes it much easier to handle.)
Use a 1 1/2-inch round cookie cutter to make rounds.

Place on a parchment lined baking sheet and use a knife, or the end of a wide straw, to cut a smaller center hole. Repeat with remaining dough.
(Not really all that important. The hole makes the cookie more authentic and lighter but my tummy doesn't really care.)

*Alternatively, use scant tablespoons of dough and press into an even layer in a mini donut pan to form the rounds.*

Bake cookies for 10-12 minutes, until bottoms are lightly browned and cookies are set.
*If using a mini donut pan, bake for only about 10 minutes, until edges are light gold.*

Cool for a few minutes on the baking sheet then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
(Very important! If you don't let them cool, the Carmel wont stick to the cookie.)

Topping
3 cups shredded coconut (sweetened or unsweetened)
12-oz good-quality chewy caramels
1/4 tsp salt
3 tbsp milk
8 oz. dark or semisweet chocolate (chocolate chips are ok)

Preheat oven to 300. Spread coconut evenly on a parchment-lined baking sheet (preferably one with sides) and toast 20 minutes, stirring every 5 minutes, until coconut is golden. Cool on baking sheet, stirring occasionally. Set aside.
(Don't forget to stir it! I always burn my coconut if I forget to stir it. This step I always do before I bake the cookies.)

Unwrap the caramels and place in a large microwave-safe bowl with milk and salt. Cook on high for 3-4 minutes, stopping to stir a few times to help the caramel melt. When smooth, fold in toasted coconut with a spatula.

Using the spatula or a small offset spatula, spread topping on cooled cookies, using about 2-3 tsp per cookie. Reheat caramel for a few seconds in the microwave if it gets too firm to work with.
(Be very very careful! The carmel and coconut is very hot and I always burn my fingers when frosting the cookies)

Set carmel topping by sticking the cookie sheets in the fridge.
(Carmel takes a while to set and you need to prepare it so the chocolate on the bottom can set also. Putting it in the fridge lets you manipulate the cookie without it sticking to everything.)

Melt chocolate in a small bowl. Heat on high in the microwave in 45 second intervals, stirring thoroughly to prevent scorching.
Ice the cookie with the chocolate and place on a clean piece of parchment paper carmel side down.
Allow to set in fridge.

Transfer all remaining chocolate (or melt a bit of additional chocolate, if necessary) into a piping bag or a ziplock bag with the corner snipped off and drizzle finished cookies with chocolate.
(I never do this. I have yet to really understand how how I'm supposed to stick piping hot chocolate into something plastic and not burn my hands or melt the bag)
Let chocolate set completely before storing in an airtight container.

Makes about 3 1/2-4 dozen cookies.
(if you make the dough really thin.)

These cookies are pretty time consuming to make. A good idea is to have a friend help you. Woody helped me and we got it done in an hour!

Ta-da. Everyone was impressed! They were gone within an hour. The picture is of the last two I stole from my mother for the photo op.

The highlight of my weekend besides spending some good quality time with La Familia? Getting a really tacky chandelier and cleaning it up. Once Woody saw it in the sunlight, he was eager to put it in his new apartment. Sqeee! Now its time to help Woody move in. How exciting!

OMG

Its about fucking time that you blogger finally allowed me online. I've been without posting (and stalking) access for a whole month.

I have nothing to post except that Ace got sick. A vet bill is something you CANNOT skimp on. I wish I could live like a slutty bitch on a budget with this, but my hell beast's life is something I cannot skimp on.

He's doing much better, and is as bratty as ever.

I am watching the Sarah Connor chronicles here at work while my boss is gone for three weeks. My inbox is full, my book cart is loaded, and I've done nothing. I blame it all on my weakness for trashy romance novels and canceled tv shows.


I leave you with this, a lovely photo shoot that Woody and I had at the Crescent Hotel in Beverly Hills for a book signing.

Woody loves his beard. I love his beard. So when he asks me to put one on, I don't hesitate. Honestly though, I'm more of a mustache girl.