Beard-A-Versary food

I love having people over.
If I thought I could stand the 1950 or 60's misogyny, I'd have fit right in as the perfect little hostess housewife. There is nothing I love better than having my house full of people I love (and a few people I just tolerate) with a glass of something bubbly and compliments on my food.
But I really hate cleaning up after it all.

This year for Beard-A-Versary I get to plan the who shebang. Decorations, food and finally get the house in the order it needs to be in. We've got 30 odd people coming and it makes me very excited to be the hostess. But then thinking about cleaning up after everyone makes me wish I didn't like hosting things so much. On the Sunday after Beard-A-Versary, Woody, me and a few friends have planned to go camping in Death Valley. Yep, you got that right, after a night of drinking and mess making I'm going to pack my ass up and drive five hours to camp in the desert. With this in mind I've planned the menu accordingly. Everything can be done in the week preceding the party and I am taking some major shortcuts. The menu you ask?

I honestly am daunted by the idea of rolling my own meatballs. It is entirely too stressful so I'm taking that whole idea out and instead, going to hunt for some frozen meatballs to try instead.
This recipe is SO easy.

Thunder(meat)balls:
1 (2 pound) bag frozen Rosina Home style Meatballs
1 (10 ounce) bag frozen organic tri-colored sweet peppers
1 (14 ounce) can jellied cranberry sauce
1 (12 ounce) jar Chili Sauce
Salt
Freshly ground pepper
Red pepper flakes, optional but recommended
Cooked rice
Instructions
1. Add the cranberry sauce, chili sauce, a pinch of salt, some pepper, and a dash of red pepper flakes to taste to a pot and bring to a simmer. Stir often and turn off heat when the two sauces combine.
2. Place the frozen meatballs, frozen peppers, and sauce mixture into a slow cooker and cook over low heat for about 6 to 7 hours or on high heat for about 4 to 5 hours.
3. Serve over rice if desired.
(Recipe by Laura Flowers)

See how easy? I might just use grape jelly because I've had it prepared with it and its so delicious! All I got to do is toss everything in the slow cooker and, presto, I'm all done.

I am so looking forward to trying this next one. Lady fingers can be bought pre-made and this looks like the only thing I'll actually have to prepare the day of.

Gold(lady)finger toasts with Chambord and Amaretto dip:
LADYFINGER TOASTS:
1 package (3 ounces) ladyfingers
2 to 3 tablespoons Chambord Liqueur (or raspberry extract) or Amaretto Liqueur (or almond extract)
1 tablespoon sugar
1/8 teaspoon allspice
Vegetable cooking spray

Lightly spray baking sheet with vegetable cooking spray; set aside. Split and separate ladyfingers. Place on baking sheet, split sides up. Brush with liqueur or extract. In small bowl combine sugar and spice. Sprinkle over ladyfingers. Bake at 250 degrees for 20 minutes. Turn off heat and continue baking additional 15 minutes. Cool completely. Serve with Chambord and Amaretto Dip if desired (see below). Makes 24 pieces

CHAMBORD AND AMARETTO DIP:
1 package (3 3/8 ounces) vanilla instant pudding mix
3 cups cold milk
1/4 cup Chambord Liqueur (or 2 teaspoons raspberry extract)
1/4 cup Amaretto Liqueur (or 2 teaspoons almond extract)
2 cups frozen whipped topping (thawed)

Mix pudding and milk on low speed of electric mixer until blended. Continue mixing until smooth and creamy, about two minutes. Divide into 2 bowls. Add Chambord liqueur to one bowl and Amaretto liqueur to the second bowl. Fold 1 cup whipped topping into each bowl. Chill until serving time. Serve with ladyfinger toast and fresh fruit. Note: Chambord or Amaretto can be substituted with any liqueur you desire.

Since it is supposed to be like the James Bond film Goldfinger, I plan on using yellow confectioner's sugar for the sugar in the toasts to make it extra yellow. But I'm not quite sure how I feel about using pudding and whipped topping for the dip. I'm feeling that a combination of plain yogurt and vanilla yogurt might make it a little tangy and tasty. I'm probably going to have to try it out this weekend.

Octopussy Jello Shots:
Not going to lie, this is what I'm most excited about.
This recipe is so perfect!
Just clear jello, ice cube trays, simple syrup, berries and vodka. Lovely! I like it because they look classy and not like what you get at a kegger. My Partner In Crime had the brilliant idea to put gummy octopus inside the jello shots to make them fit in perfectly with the theme. I may have to twist her arm to get her to use Absolut's Apeach or Pears because I don't like blueberry Stoli.

Last but not least;

From Russia with Love Punch:
Ingredients:
One bottle of a bubbly drink. (a sweet Champagne, ginger ale, lemon lime soda, fizzy water, etc)
1/4 - 1/2 a can of frozen concentrated pink lemonade (or any other pink drink in concentrated form)
8 ounces flavored vodka (I'm going to use my favorite Absolut Apeach)
water to taste.

Add all to a large punch bowl or drink dispenser, mix well. Add water to taste. To serve cold in a drink dispenser, do large pieces of ice. They'll melt slower.

The frozen concentrated drink is what gives this a major kick. The sweetness of the concentrated juice will counteract the alcohol. But, can give drinkers MAJOR heart burn if not watered down properly. I had a ridiculous experience after a breakup where I was dead set on using my new blender in my brand spanking new apartment the evening after I got dumped. So I looked up delicious drinks and found the Pink Panty. Frozen pink lemonade, vodka, ice and cool whip. It was delicious, but it knocked me on my ass and the lemonade gave me excruciating heartburn because it wasn't watered down enough. I guess the four shots of vodka didn't count.

In other news, I got my mustache in the mail. It is lovely, and I'm way excited to wear it. All I have to do now is trim it so it looks more natural. I'm counting down the days till Beard-A-Versary. Its ridiculous how excited I am.

Baking is my crack.

So I wish I could update this more but the Salvation Army filter at work is a total jerk. For some reason it does not like me blogging at all. It also does not like OkCupid, YouTube, my instant online Netflix and anything related to games. (note: I have no reason to go on OkCupid anymore but I get livid when anyone tells me I cannot do something).

This weekend I was comissioned with baking a dessert for the La Familia Leon reunion. This reunion is done every year for my mom's side of the family. Since my Ace disaster required that I was unable to pay my mother her 300 dollar rent, I decided I'd make dessert so she wouldn't need to stress out too much. My desserts of choice?

Ameretto (or sometimes flavored Tequila) Sprinkle Cake
and
Home Made Girl Scout Samoas

Below I will detail how to make both. The Amaretto Sprinkle Cake is by far the easiest. I used to make it in Santa Cruz for everyone's birthday. It became a Team Gay favorite, I even believe that there was some drama once over who got the last piece of cake. I believe it was a girl I detested. She did not endear herself to me by eating the last slice of my Lesley Lovah's birthday cake.

Amaretto Sprinkle Cake
One box of Pillsbury's Funfetti cake mix.
4 to 6 oz of Amaretto liquor. (I use Trader Joes Amaretto di Amore imitation which is 8 bucks, vs. the 20 dollar Disaronno. I used to use Almond Tequila, but got that in Puerto Vallarta tequila tasting and they don't sell it online. I still like that better!)
1 cup of powdered sugar.
1 cup of chocolate chips. (Any kind really, I like milk chocolate but I think I'll try semi-sweet. Dark chocolate would be amazing!)
1 bunt cake pan.
Non stick spray.

Directions:
Prepare cake according to box.
Add 1-2 oz of Amaretto liquor to the batter.
Pour into greased bunt cake pan. (The pan makes the cake look great since you don't put any ridiculous frosting on it.)
Bake according to box.
Allow to cool. Place on large platter.
Once cooled poke a few hole in the cake with a fork. Pour 1-4 oz of Amaretto on the cake slowly, allowing it to be absorbed.
After the liquor has been absorbed somewhat, pour the powdered sugar in a sifter and lightly distribute the powdered sugar on the cake.
Melt chocolate chips according to package. (Usually one cup per one minute)
Dip a fork in melted chocolate and drizzle over the bunt cake.

Enjoy! My mother has eaten this as breakfast for like forever. I've used a "real" cake mix a few times, but its so stressful. I'll keep my funfetti cake near and dear to my heart!

Home Made Girl Scout Samoa's
(Found on Tastespotting, my favorite website ever!)
Adapted from OnceUponAPlate
Orange comments are mine

Recipe for Cookies:
1 cup butter, soft
1/2 cup sugar
2 cups all purpose flour
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
up to 2 tbsp milk

Preheat oven to 350F.
In a large mixing bowl, cream together butter and sugar.
Mix in flour, baking powder and salt at a low speed, followed by the vanilla and milk, adding in the milk as needed to make the dough come together without being sticky The dough should come together into a soft, not-too-sticky ball.
(Add in a bit of extra flour if your dough is very sticky or if too dry add milk in small quantities.)

Roll the dough (working in two or three batches) out between pieces of wax paper to about 1/4-inch thickness.
(I find that the dough is very sticky at times. If this is the case, I find that putting it in the fridge between batches/at the beginning makes it much easier to handle.)
Use a 1 1/2-inch round cookie cutter to make rounds.

Place on a parchment lined baking sheet and use a knife, or the end of a wide straw, to cut a smaller center hole. Repeat with remaining dough.
(Not really all that important. The hole makes the cookie more authentic and lighter but my tummy doesn't really care.)

*Alternatively, use scant tablespoons of dough and press into an even layer in a mini donut pan to form the rounds.*

Bake cookies for 10-12 minutes, until bottoms are lightly browned and cookies are set.
*If using a mini donut pan, bake for only about 10 minutes, until edges are light gold.*

Cool for a few minutes on the baking sheet then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
(Very important! If you don't let them cool, the Carmel wont stick to the cookie.)

Topping
3 cups shredded coconut (sweetened or unsweetened)
12-oz good-quality chewy caramels
1/4 tsp salt
3 tbsp milk
8 oz. dark or semisweet chocolate (chocolate chips are ok)

Preheat oven to 300. Spread coconut evenly on a parchment-lined baking sheet (preferably one with sides) and toast 20 minutes, stirring every 5 minutes, until coconut is golden. Cool on baking sheet, stirring occasionally. Set aside.
(Don't forget to stir it! I always burn my coconut if I forget to stir it. This step I always do before I bake the cookies.)

Unwrap the caramels and place in a large microwave-safe bowl with milk and salt. Cook on high for 3-4 minutes, stopping to stir a few times to help the caramel melt. When smooth, fold in toasted coconut with a spatula.

Using the spatula or a small offset spatula, spread topping on cooled cookies, using about 2-3 tsp per cookie. Reheat caramel for a few seconds in the microwave if it gets too firm to work with.
(Be very very careful! The carmel and coconut is very hot and I always burn my fingers when frosting the cookies)

Set carmel topping by sticking the cookie sheets in the fridge.
(Carmel takes a while to set and you need to prepare it so the chocolate on the bottom can set also. Putting it in the fridge lets you manipulate the cookie without it sticking to everything.)

Melt chocolate in a small bowl. Heat on high in the microwave in 45 second intervals, stirring thoroughly to prevent scorching.
Ice the cookie with the chocolate and place on a clean piece of parchment paper carmel side down.
Allow to set in fridge.

Transfer all remaining chocolate (or melt a bit of additional chocolate, if necessary) into a piping bag or a ziplock bag with the corner snipped off and drizzle finished cookies with chocolate.
(I never do this. I have yet to really understand how how I'm supposed to stick piping hot chocolate into something plastic and not burn my hands or melt the bag)
Let chocolate set completely before storing in an airtight container.

Makes about 3 1/2-4 dozen cookies.
(if you make the dough really thin.)

These cookies are pretty time consuming to make. A good idea is to have a friend help you. Woody helped me and we got it done in an hour!

Ta-da. Everyone was impressed! They were gone within an hour. The picture is of the last two I stole from my mother for the photo op.

The highlight of my weekend besides spending some good quality time with La Familia? Getting a really tacky chandelier and cleaning it up. Once Woody saw it in the sunlight, he was eager to put it in his new apartment. Sqeee! Now its time to help Woody move in. How exciting!

Not about moving or beauty...

This one's about cooking.
Well, baking specifically.
One of my FAVORITE things to do.

I made Glazed Apple Oatmeal Muffins last night since I had nothing to do after work.
I had most of the ingredients at home except unflavored oatmeal, lemons and granny smith apples. This was such an easy recipe to make but they didn't come out as nicely as they should.

As you can see they are a bit flat. Compared to the blog above's picture, they are pretty lame. They tasted amazing, but were heavy and not light and fluffy as muffins should be.

They tasted really apple-y, with just a hint of the lemon bite in the lemon/sugar glaze.

I attribute this heaviness to the fact that I may have overmixed the batter, the apples were a tiny bit too juicy, or I may have not cooked them for long enough.

The problem with baking is that one has to be VERY careful about the steps. In some cooking you cant just skip steps, but with baking, there's no cutting corners. Adding an egg when you should have waited till after you combine flour and liquid mixture, is sure to be a disaster. Like I did with my poor lemon chiffon cake, jiggled like jello but with an egg consistency all because I added an extra egg white too early. I'm determined to get these muffins to be light, and fluffy. I have one more granny smith apple waiting at home that I'm going to use to bake another batch on Monday.

Earlier that morning I made The Boyfriend and I french toast. I don't know why I even bother with it anymore. I cannot for the life of me make presentable french toast or pancakes. (Although I did find a recipe for beer pancakes which would be amazing with the Belmont Brewery's Strawberry Blonde Ale) I think I'm just going to stop attempting cute, healthy, breakfast in bed kind of breakfasts. I'm Mexican, and can refry beans and fry potatos like no one's business. My grandma makes this amazing breakfast dish with triangles of corn tortillas and scrambled eggs so its like you have tortilla chips in your scrambled eggs! So totally not healthy for you, but god, so good!

But tonight, once I get out of work, I'm going to make goat cheese twice baked potatoes. And I keep hoping I wont screw up.